Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Monday, February 2, 2009
REVEALED REASONS WHY WOMEN CHEAT!!!
2 Reasons Women CHEAT
>>>DATING QUESTION FROM A READER:
A success story with a question and lessons
learned the hard way.
Question: perhaps you have addressed this before,
but why do women choose unstable "losers" over
stable, "good guys" like me? One may noticed this
and labeled it the "SPCA" syndrome: "Society for
Prevention of Cruelty to Animals." In other words,
the woman goes for the "stray," not the "well-
bread."
I think it goes to the issue of challenge, which
has two aspects. One is "benign": the man has to
be a challenge in the sense that he is not too
available. Another, which is negative, is the man
is so "damaged" that he presents a challenge in
another, less benign way: the woman wants to
"fix" him. I heard Dr. Laura the other day,
although I usually cannot stand her. Some dimwit
woman called in and said she had been dating guy
A, who was nice, and was now dating A's friend, B,
and she did not know what to do. A was a good guy
and stable, B was a lowlife but was "exciting."
Dr. "Queen of Life" jumped all over her, asking
this genius how she would answer the same question
if her own daughter asked her that question. It
was clear by the idiot's "OK" after being given
this advice that she did not get the answer she
wanted and will probably stick with B.
Success story: Confidence.
1. Parents and religion. About 10 years ago, I
was dating a surgeon who was Jewish. I am not
Jewish, so that made a big difference and was
ultimately one of two factors leading to our
demise (the other was that I could not trust her).
She told me her parents did not approve of me
since I was non-Jewish. I just told her to her
face, "I don't care what your parents think. I'm
not here to please them." I think this took her
by surprise and increased her respect for me.
You my want to do columns on these if you have not
done so already: dealing with parents; dealing
with different religions.
2. Signs that you are confident. Every dating
advisor stresses male confidence. Watch the
woman's actions and listen to her words to detect
if your confidence is "showing" or "hitting." The
surgeon gave me two of the greatest compliments I
ever received, which confirmed that I was "doing
things right." Both were out of the blue. One:
"I can't figure you out." Two: "I never know
what you are going to do next."
Suggestions:
1. Criteria. Before arranging a blind date, be
sure to the extent possible that you ensure the
woman meets your "criteria." DO NOT BE SHY ABOUT
THIS. For example, a friend of mine (I will call
her "A"), working through a friend of hers ("B"),
set me up with a blind date I will call "Carol". I
drove about 30 minutes to meet the woman. When I
saw her, I immediately knew I did not like her
looks. The "clincher" occurred as we approached
the hostess, who asked us where we wanted to sit.
"Carol" immediately said something like, "I have
to sit somewhere I can smoke." At that point, the
date was effectively over because I am vehemently
nonsmoking. It is simply not negotiable with me.
So, we sat at a table to the side of the
restaurant instead of a waterfront table.
LESSON: neither my friend nor I remembered to
check for smoking. And, while I went ahead and had
the dinner, I lost about an hour's driving time
and the time and money for the meal with nothing
in return. The experience was a complete waste
except to re- learn the lesson: ensure the woman
is a nonsmoker.
Another interesting tactic would, after she said
something about smoking, be to say, "I'm sorry. I
did not realize you were a smoker. You know,
really, since I do not smoke the evening will be a
waste of your time and mine, so let's call it
quits." And then I should have then simply left.
The problem is that this action would have gotten
me in trouble with my good friend "A."
2. Eject after her infidelity. After you have
been dating a woman and the two of you have been
exclusive, at the first sign of her infidelity,
PUSH EJECT AND DUMP HERE. Infidelity is an
irreparable breach of trust and cannot be
repaired. I tried to fix a relationship after such
an incident, and she continued to remain in touch
with her "secondary lover." Despite advice to
dump her and her continuing affection toward me, I
held on for a few more months, which were
miserable, before finally pushing EJECT and
unilaterally dumping her with no warning or
discussion. The lesson is: pay attention to what
women DO, not to what they SAY.
C. J.
>>>MY COMMENTS:
First of all, thank you for taking the time to
think this through and for clearly communicating
the points you've made. You've brought up some
important ideas, and I'd like to comment on them.
ON THE DR. LAURA STORY AND YOUR QUESTION...
One of the things that Dr. Laura doesn't get in
this particular situation goes a little something
like this:
THE WOMAN IN THE STORY WASN'T USING LOGIC TO
DECIDE WHICH MAN TO FEEL ATTRACTED TO, SO TRYING
TO CONVINCE HER WITH LOGIC IS A WASTE OF TIME.
Now, you made some valid points about the woman
enjoying the "challenge" of the "stray" and/or of
the "unavailable" guy.
This is good stuff, and it's accurate.
But the REAL key to this situation is that
ATTRACTION ISN'T A CHOICE. Attraction is a
POWERFUL, EMOTIONAL and PHYSICAL response.
And, as you might know, when you're feeling a
powerful emotion, it's difficult, or in many
cases, almost impossible to override that emotion
with LOGIC.
The woman is clearly ATTRACTED to the
"lowlife", but she also knows in her MIND that she
"should" stay with the "stable, nice guy".
EMOTION beats LOGIC any day of the week when it
comes to attraction and female behavior.
Being a challenge and being unavailable are
things that TRIGGER the emotion, but once it's
triggered then there's not much that a woman can
do about it.
And, as you noticed, not even advice from the
"first lady" of relationship logic can change it.
So, to answer your question, the reason why
women "choose" unstable losers over stable guys
like you is...
THEY DON'T CHOOSE AT ALL.
There is no logical "decision" being made. When
it comes to ATTRACTION, "choosing" doesn't even
come into play.
If you want women to feel that powerful emotion
called ATTRACTION for you, then you need to learn
how to communicate and behave in the way that
TRIGGERS ATTRACTION.
Are you with me on this?
ON YOUR SUCCESS STORY AND CONFIDENCE...
I think that you're on the right track here.
When she came to you to tell you that her
parents didn't approve of you, and you responded
by saying, "I don't care what your parents think,
I'm not here to please them", you effectively made
yourself MORE powerful in her heart AND mind than
even her parents.
I'm taking a wild guess here, but I'll bet that
when she came to you to tell you this, she was
telling you because she was thinking of breaking
off the relationship, and this was her way of
"introducing" the idea.
When you responded by saying, "I don't care
what they think", you probably scrambled her
signal a little. She was probably confused, but
MORE IMPORTANTLY, she was EMOTIONALLY ATTRACTED to
you at the same time.
This combination of confusion, emotional
attraction, and you asserting yourself as more
powerful than her parents because you didn't care,
is almost unstoppable.
As you say, "Every dating advisor stresses male
confidence". The more I've thought about this,
the more I realize that the FOUNDATION for
confidence is LACK OF INSECURITY.
In other words, if you want to be confident,
you have to START by getting over the things that
you're insecure about. Once you do this, you'll
realize that "confidence" isn't really that
important at all.
Women are generally attracted to men who don't
need APPROVAL from anyone. Call it confidence if
you want, but I think it comes down to becoming
secure in the world and comfortable in your own
skin. If you're reading this right now, and you
need to get more confidence, then you should take
a minute and read this as well:
http://www.DoubleYourDatingProgram.com/e/10006/DeepInnerGame/
ON YOUR SUGGESTIONS OF CRITERIA AND EJECTING A
WOMAN AFTER INFIDELITY...
It's a GREAT idea to be VERY selective and to
let women know about it EVEN IF SHE'S YOUR "TYPE".
Women are generally more attracted to men who are
more selective.
Of course, it is important to keep high
standards in life because they usually lead to
better results in general.
And in response to your recommendation to dump
a woman at the first sign of infidelity...
This is probably a good policy.
But, there's something else that you should
probably take away from this as well.
If a woman isn't loyal, there's a good chance
that either:
1) You did a poor job selecting the type of woman
to have a relationship with in the first place...
and/or
2) You stopped doing the things that created the
ATTRACTION in the relationship, and turned into a
WUSSY.
In either case, there's something to learn and
improve in the future inside of YOURSELF.
YOU must learn how to KEEP HER INTEREST over
the long-haul if you want to "cheat-proof" your
relationship.
...and on another note...
I really believe that there's more than meets
the eye when it comes to success with women and
dating.
The process that creates the magical emotion of
ATTRACTION is mysterious, seemingly illogical, and
"counter intuitive". If you don't understand it,
then it just won't make sense.
It's taken me literally YEARS to be able to
both attract women AND be able to explain how to
do it.
AN IMPORTANT QUESTION FOR YOU...
It's the first quarter of a new year right now.
Can you feel that "new" energy right now?
Did you make a New Year's Resolution?
The beginning of a new year is an opportunity
to look back on the past year and think about what
went right, what didn't go so right... and what
you'd like to do DIFFERENT this time around.
This might be YOUR year for success with women.
If it is, then you're going to need to make a
commitment to yourself, and then FOLLOW THROUGH on
that commitment.
This part of your life isn't going to "get
itself handled". YOU are going to have to do it.
